Yes/No/Maybe Checklist to Improve Sexual Intimacy
“So, what are you into?”
Many of the clients I work with would love to have an answer to this question, but when they are asked by a partner, the only thing that comes to mind in response is, “I don’t know!” It’s hard to imagine your desires when you don’t know what could potentially be on the menu.
What is a Yes/No/Maybe List?
Yes/No/Maybe lists can be an amazing way to discover your sexual interests and communicate them with partners. They can expand your horizons and help you learn about possible expressions of your sexuality.
Essentially, a Yes/No/Maybe list is a list of sexy activities that you categorize for yourself as a:
Heck yes! I’m into it. Also referred to as “Want.”
Maybe – we’d need to discuss particulars before I’d be down. And/or, I’d be willing to try it even if I’m not ecstatic about it. Also referred to as “Will.”
No way. I’m not open to this activity. Also referred to as “Won’t.”
How to Create a Yes/No/Maybe List to Improve Sexual Experiences
Prepare to listen to yourself. There are no right or wrong answers, only what is true for you. Think about: what does a yes, a maybe, or a no feel like?
For example, a “yes” might be a sense of eager excitement, a feeling of butterflies in the stomach, a surge of energy throughout your body. The activity might simply sound wonderful to you.
A “no” could give you a sense of aversion or a feeling of fear manifested as muscle tension.
A “maybe” sometimes feels like mild curiosity.
Answer honestly based on what you sense, feel, and think about each option laid out.
What is the Best Way to Share/Receive your Sexual Inventory List with a Partner or Partners?
Everyone is different, so you can expect that you likely won’t answer exactly the same if you share your answers. You might have your own reactions to a partner’s responses, and that is totally fine, but be sure to refrain from making judgemental statements. Instead, express curiosity and openness and ask questions. Some examples of questions to ask your partner during a sexual experience inventory include:
“What’s exciting about that for you?”
“What makes that a ‘no’?”
“What’s the story behind that one?
Remember, sharing this isn’t a contract on anyone’s side to do this activity. Consent is always an ongoing process.
Without further ado…
Here are some examples of Yes/No/Maybe Lists from different sources.
Check them out and see which one looks most appropriate for you.
Yes/No/Maybe lists provide an effective way to learn about your sexual interests and communicate them to partners. They can help you explore your desires and surprise yourself in the process, while creating a safe and respectful sexual experience for all involved. With a clearer understanding of our boundaries and desires, we can engage in meaningful conversations, better evaluate potential partners, and create a culture of consent and respect.
So go ahead and explore what your yes, no, and maybes are. Take the time to explore the many resources available, and remember to always prioritize communication and consent.
