Resources
Financial disclosure – I do not receive any financial gain from your interaction with/purchases from these links.
Individual Therapy
⟡ Trauma Stewardship
A great read for anyone whose job exposes them to trauma.
“A longtime trauma worker, Laura van Dernoot Lipsky offers a deep and empathetic survey of the often-unrecognized toll on those working to make the world a better place. We may feel tired, cynical, numb, or like we can never do enough. These, and other symptoms, affect us individually and collectively, sapping the energy and effectiveness we so desperately need if we are to benefit humankind, other animals, and the planet itself. Through Trauma Stewardship, we are called to meet these challenges in an intentional way - not by becoming overwhelmed but by developing a quality of mindful presence. Joining the wisdom of ancient cultural traditions with modern psychological research, Lipsky offers a variety of simple and profound practices that will allow us to remake ourselves - and ultimately the world.”
⟡ Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle
A scientific and compassionate approach to understanding stress in the lives of women, and what we can do with it.
⟡ Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting
This book is a bit dated at this point, but it provides a simple formula to understand how to be an Emotion Coach as a parent. There are also good quizzes to help you understand how you were brought up to think about emotions.
⟡ Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life
Many people I work with are questioning some aspect of their work life. This book gives an interesting cross-cultural perspective on the subject. “Having a strong sense of ikigai - the place where passion, mission, vocation, and profession intersect - means that each day is infused with meaning. It's the reason we get up in the morning.”
⟡ Intuitive Eating
⟡ Intuitive Eating Workbook
“When it was first published, Intuitive Eating was revolutionary in its anti-dieting approach. The authors, both prominent health professionals in the field of nutrition and eating disorders, urge listeners to embrace the goal of developing body positivity and reconnecting with one’s internal wisdom about eating - to unlearn everything they were taught about calorie-counting and other aspects of diet culture and to learn about the harm of weight stigma. Today, their message is more relevant and pressing than ever.”
⟡ Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
An accessible read about mindfulness and its application in everyday life. Many people I work with are intrigued by mindfulness but don’t want to do seated meditation. If this describe you, you might find this book interesting.
⟡ How to Survive the Loss of a Love
This book is a bit cheesy at times, but it can be a steady companion along with The Comfort Book for very difficult times.
⟡ Heartmath
If you struggle with emotional flooding and/or stress, Heartmath might be an interesting biofeedback device for you to try.
Couple/Relationship Therapy
⟡ The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
This book is pretty heteronormative and dated in many ways, but the research and information about relationships presented is solid and very helpful to many.
⟡ Polysecure
A great book about the intersection of attachment, trauma, and polyamory. Also loved by many monogamous people due to its less pathologizing and more hopeful presentation of attachment style than other books.
⟡ Rewriting the Rules
“A friendly guide through the complicated - and often contradictory - advice that's given about sex and gender, monogamy and conflict, break-up and commitment. It asks questions about the rules of love, such as which to choose from all the rules on offer? Do we stick to the old rules we learnt growing up, or do we try something new and risk being out on our own? And what about the times when the rules we love by seem to make things worse, rather than better?
⟡ The Intentional Family
A bit dated at this point, however also a beautiful book about the importance of intentional rituals to strengthen the bonds of relationships and families.
⟡ Velvet Box Communication Tools
Great exercises for sexual communication.
“Whether you are experiencing challenges in your sexual relationship or just looking to spice things up, we’ve assembled some great resources just for you!
Share these tools with your partner and discover the other's desires and preferences. Then, head to the bedroom and find the connection and excitement you both deserve!”
Sex Therapy
⟡ Disability After Dark
Amazing resource for people who want more information about sex that centers the intersection between sexual health and disability.
“The Disability After Dark Podcast was launched in September 2016, completely independently by Andrew Gurza. It is a podcast that shines a bright light on disability stories.”
⟡ The Smitten Kitten (online, based in MN)
A sex store based in Minnesota. “Smitten Kitten makes sexuality and pleasure education, tools and resources for adults accessible, affordable & easy to shop for.” Extremely helpful staff, whether you go in-person, call them or send an email.
⟡ Babeland
“The first Babeland store was opened in 1993 in response to the lack of women-friendly sex shops in Seattle. The store offers top quality products, a pleasant place to shop, and most of all information and encouragement to people who want to explore their sexuality. The store's popularity led to three more stores in New York, plus a thriving and educational website.”
⟡ Janelle The: Sex Educator
Janelle is a gifted sex educator whose mission is: “I’m here to help you navigate talking to your child about sex with confidence, clarity, and purpose using a medically-accurate and comprehensive approach that is focused on your personal values that you want to teach your child.”
⟡ Bad Vibes
Informational website: “Our mission is to demystify the adult sex toy industry and positively transform socially irresponsible, environmentally and personally hazardous sex toy manufacturing and sex toy sales practices. Since BADVIBES.ORG was founded in 2005, we’ve succeeded in creating radical change in sex toy manufacturing and consumer awareness around sex toy material and usage.”
⟡ Oh Joy Sex Toy
“Oh Joy Sex Toy (OJST) is the widely acclaimed free weekly sex education and sex positive webcomic that debuted in April 2013 and updates every Tuesday. Originally created by Matthew Nolan and Erika Moen, this comic collection now predominantly features the work of a variety of rotating cartoonists and two team artists who contribute monthly. You can learn more about the OJST Team here.
OJST comics covers everything sex related from, sexuality and the sex industry, to toys, workshops, birth control and much more. With the aid of guest contributors sharing their many diverse perspectives, this site strives to be relevant to a wide variety of genders, body types, and sexualities.”
⟡ The BDSM Test
Curious about BDSM? This webstie provides free information and a quiz to help identify what types of BDSM you might be interested in.
⟡ Our Whole Lives: Lifespan Sexuality Education
Our Whole Lives, or OWL, is a set of sexuality education curricula. “Honest, accurate information about sexuality changes lives. It dismantles stereotypes and assumptions, builds self-acceptance and self-esteem, fosters healthy relationships, improves decision making, and has the potential to save lives. For these reasons and more, we are proud to offer Our Whole Lives (OWL), a comprehensive, lifespan sexuality education curricula for use in both secular settings and faith communities.
Interactive workshops and activities engage participants, while step-by-step instructions for program planners and facilitators help ensure success. Seven curricula speak to participants' needs, by age group.”
⟡ A Woman's Touch: Sexuality Resource Center
“We are a sex education resource center and sexuality products shop based on the most current sex science. Run by a sex educator, A Woman’s Touch offers carefully selected quality products & sexual health information for all ages, gender identities, orientations and bodies. We welcome trans, cis, and non-binary people to help everyone find optimal sexual wellness and pleasure.”
⟡ I Love Orgasms
“Whether you’re looking to have your first orgasm, learning to squirt, or hoping to turn up the heat for a partner, I <3 Orgasms is the book for you. Drawing on their over twenty years of experience teaching audiences about sexual pleasure, plus the voices of thousands of survey-takers who share their experiences in these pages, sex education experts Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller help you find the pleasure they know is within your reach.”
⟡ Give Me Sex Jesus
A fascinating documentary about purity culture and its implications, available to stream for free!
⟡ The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent
A revolutionary approach to consent.
“The key concept of the Wheel Of Consent is radical: not simply that consent is a good idea, but offering a practical way to distinguish between who is doing and who it is for, in order to be able to create safe agreements for truly consenting exchanges – from the boardroom to the bedroom.
The process is never about pushing through and trying to like something you don’t like; it’s about learning to trust yourself and be true to yourself. All of this creates ease, clarity, and confidence.”
⟡ How to Understand Your Gender
⟡ How to Understand Your Sexuality
Two approachable books for understanding one’s gender and sexuality. Co-written by one of my mentors, the incredible Alex Iantaffi!
⟡ The Vagina Bible
“OB/GYN, writer for The New York Times, USA Today, and Self, and host of the show Jensplaining, Dr. Jen Gunter now delivers the definitive book on vaginal health, answering the questions you’ve always had but were afraid to ask—or couldn’t find the right answers to. She has been called Twitter’s resident gynecologist, the Internet’s OB/GYN, and one of the fiercest advocates for women’s health…and she’s here to give you the straight talk on the topics she knows best.”
Audience: written to and for cisgender women.
⟡ The Menopause Manifesto: Own Your Health with Facts and Feminism
“Just as she did in her groundbreaking bestseller The Vagina Bible, Dr. Jen Gunter, the internet’s most fearless advocate for women’s health, brings you empowerment through knowledge by countering stubborn myths and misunderstandings about menopause with hard facts, real science, fascinating historical perspective, and expert advice.”
Audience: written to and for cisgender women.
⟡ Come As You Are
⟡ The Come As You Are Workbook
“Countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual well-being; they are central to it - and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself.”
Audience: written to and for cisgender women.
⟡ Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life
“Tell Me What You Want offers an unprecedented look into our fantasy worlds and what they reveal about us. It helps readers to better understand their own sexual desires and how to attain them within their relationships, but also to appreciate why the desires of their partners may be so incredibly different.”
Also check out Justin Lehmiller’s podcast.
⟡ The Penis Book
A source of a great deal of interesting and helpful information on the penis. Get ready for a lot of puns and bad jokes, the author loves them.
Audience: written to and for cisgender men.
⟡ Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex
“There seem to be no end to the “authoritative” explanations and “guaranteed” easy treatments for erectile dysfunction (ED). Since the so-called Viagra revolution, conventional wisdom holds that the problem can be fixed simply by taking a pill. The truth of the matter is, though, that ED is often a complex condition affected by physical, psychological, and relationship issues—and it’s a problem shared by both a man and his partner. This book is the first ever to address this common problem using a comprehensive biological, psychological, and social approach. It offers a proven-effective program for regaining erectile function, building strong and intimate relationships, and having great sex.”
Audience: written to and for cisgender men.
⟡ Coping With Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex
“It is estimated that 30 million American men have problems with premature ejaculation. This book contains the latest, scientifically-based, multidimensional methods for overcoming all types of premature ejaculation and includes a complete relapse prevention program.”
Audience: written to and for cisgender men.
⟡ The Pleasure Prescription: A Surprising Approach to Healing Sexual Pain
“Coauthored by a women’s health physical therapist and a sexuality educator, The Pleasure Prescription outlines an approach that many women may find counterintuitive: that their own sexual pleasure may be a pathway to overcoming pain. Research shows that decreasing pain allows for more pleasure; conversely, the stories highlighted in this book suggest that increasing pleasure can help diminish a woman’s experience of sexual pain.”
Audience: written to and for cisgender women.
⟡ Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire
“A groundbreaking look at improving desire, arousal, and sexual satisfaction through mindfulness.
Studies show that approximately half of all women experience some kind of sexual difficulty at one point in their lives, with lack of interest in sex being by far the most common - and the most distressing. And when sex suffers, so do all other areas of life.
But it doesn't have to be that way. In Better Sex Through Mindfulness, acclaimed psychologist and sex researcher Lori A. Brotto offers a groundbreaking approach to improving desire, arousal, and satisfaction inside - and outside of - the bedroom.”
Audience: written to and for cisgender women.
⟡ Scarleteen
Scarleteen is a sex education resource written for teens and emerging adults, but it can be helpful for people of all ages. If you have a sex question, this is a great place to start.
⟡ OMG YES
OMG YES is a game changer. Buying a “season” gives you access to evidence based techniques for women to find and increase pleasure. The videos are of real women talking about their experiences and showing how they use the techniques for their sexual pleasure.
⟡ The Herpes Handbook
Herpes is an extremely prevalent STI, yet when people are diagnosed with it they tend to experience a high degree of shame and stigma, which can prevent them from accessing good care. The Herpes Handbook is full of information about herpes, including symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, telling new partners, and so on. It’s often recommended in sexual health professional forum.
⟡ Queer/LGBTQIA+ Menopause
This website aims to provide inclusive information about menopause, because so much of menopause literature only includes cisgender woman oriented language.
⟡ Finding a Sexual Health Specialist for Vulvovaginal Pain ISSWSH
“ISSWSH” is the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health. You can search for a sexual medicine specialist by city, state and country (or name) using this directory.
⟡ Finding a Pelvic Rehabilitation Specialist
This is a directory where you can search for pelvic rehab care in your area.