Expanding the Definition of Sex

I love watching clients come into therapy thinking they only have limitations, and then discover that they actually have superpowers. What I mean by this is that encountering a sexual challenge can provide an opportunity to grow the sexual self and/or the sexual connection between partners. Some of the superpowers that allow this transformation might include being able to talk openly and honestly about sex with others, or owning desires and fantasies confidently.

Today, I want to tell you about a way in which you can make sex more playful and accommodating of your needs. Sex can be even more fun when we adapt and explore. It’s ok to ask for help in getting creative with your sexy times; ultimately, it can help you and your partner have a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual experience.

Many people come to me because they can’t have “sex” the way they think they should.

This typically means they’re having trouble with penis-in-vagina (PIV) intercourse. Maybe they’re having some erectile difficulties, or pelvic floor pain.

The thing is…it’s totally OK to want to have a specific type of sex. You might even have to grieve that the sex you imagined isn’t the sex you can have right now. I’m not here to tell you that what you hoped for is wrong, and you might need some time to process that before you can explore other options.

And, at the same time, many people could benefit from a core sex therapy process we call expanding the definition of sex. Basically, it means you think outside the box about how you get sexy.

For a hilarious example of two people getting creative about their sexy times, check out this clip from the Comedy Central show Broad City:

I love this video for two reasons:

1. It normalizes that sometimes bodies can’t do things that we wish they could! Ilana openly shares that she won’t be able to “receive” (have PIV intercourse). It’s just not the way their two bodies are going to be able to interact that night.

2. It shows sex being PLAYFUL. Sex is often shown in the media as being very passionate and serious…but sex can be silly! And beyond that, sex can include so much more than just intercourse. Expanding the definition of sex can help you remember what you and your body CAN do as opposed to just what you CAN’T do.

So, how do you get ideas for fun, creative sex? Read about yes/no/maybe lists!

You can also book a consultation call with me here.